When challenging myths, or using cheerleading statements, it can be useful to have in mind different types of "agreements."
Intellectual agreement is thinking that something is true, your rational mind tells you so, however you may feel it is not true.
Emotional agreement is feeling that something is true, or reacting emotionally as if it is true, however you believe/know it is not.
Wise mind agreement is knowing in your heart of hearts, that something is true.
Cheerleading statements are statements that people make to themselves in order to give themselves permission to ask for what they need or want, to say no, and to act effectively.
Three types of cheerleading statements:
1. Statements that provide the courage to act effectively
2. Statements that help in preparing for the situation, getting ready to be effective, to focus on what works
3. Statements that counteract myths about interpersonal behavior.
Cheerleading Statements for Interpersonal Effectiveness
It is OK to want or need something from someone else.
I have a choice to ask someone for what I want or need.
I can stand it if I don't get what I want or need.
The fact that someone says no to my request doesn't mean I should not have asked in the first place.
If I didn't get my objectives, that doesn't mean I didn't go about it in a skillful way.
Standing up for myself over "small" things can be just as important as "big" things are to others.
I can insist on my rights and still be a good person.
I sometimes have a right to assert myself, even though I may inconvenience others.
The fact that other people might not be assertive doesn't mean that I shouldn't be.
I can understand and validate another person, and still ask for what I want.
There is no law that says other people's opinions are more valid than mine.
I may want to please people I care about, but I don't have to please them all the time.
Giving, giving, giving, is not the be-all of life. I am an important person in this world, too.
If I refuse to do a favor for people, that doesn't mean I don't like them. They will probably understand that too.
I am under no obligation to say yes to people simply because they ask a favor of me.
The fact that I say no to someone does not make me a selfish person.
If I say no to people, and they get angry, that does not mean that I should have said yes.
I can still feel good about myself, even though someone else is annoyed with me.